I'm not sure what i'm hoping from this thread post. any advice, or someone that is in same situation to share maybe.
I've been with my girlfriend for two and one half years. i love her very very much. i want to spend my life with her. that means so much to me. when i think of her not being in my life it causes me huge sadness. it would break her heart too.
I'm 33. i had two relationships previous with girls i love that i ended. the first after i cheated on her four times in one month i know that is bad, the second that i ended before i cheated on her but after several almost times because i couldnt be sure it wouldn't happen, i was almost sure it would happen. that was the hardest thing i have ever had to do.
Now i'm feeling like i have to do the same thing again. and it will be a lot harder. For the last two years i have been very happy. She is the most amazing person i have ever known. but from the beginning its been a recur struggle to be fateful. There have been a lot of close calls. i never go out to try to meet another woman, it just happens. it happens a lot. women just seem to like me and situations show up. I know that i just don't do anything to solve the problem. But i know from experience its not always so simple. At the time, on the minute, sometimes proper thoughts just aren't there. Body and animal thoughts take over. And then one second just talking innocent with a very beautiful girl is talking innocent a little closer, and then the next time proper thoughts appear you are kissing and then more. and its done. maybe that makes no sense to some people. But that's how it is.
I have done a lot myself. I try to avoid situations that mean i am in a place where women might try something. I stopped drinking ever because it seems to be always the way that when someone did something they were drinking alcohol. I went to sex addiction therapy on advice of a friend. two different doctors. I'm not a sex addict. my sex life with my love is great. its a lot too. Its not about sex. Its about sex with other people. Its about the moment, the electric when you cant say your own name or where you are and your body just moves of its own and does what it does.
Its been two years with lots of almost moments. I think sooner then later it will be an 'not almost ' moment.
So what do i do? Do i break up with her too? Break her heart and mine? Any advice please.